Evacuation!

No, I'm not talking about the tornado's-a-comin'/bomb-scare type of evacuation. I mean the bodily type. More specifically, how it relates to a touring musician.

"Is this a thing?", you ask? "Is it really worth discussing? Really???", you ask? 

Well, sh*t [sorry] -- of course it's a thing. Everybody's got an evacuation routine. Being on the road totally messes that up. Not so much the timing of the routine, but the where and the when of it.

I'll give you an example. Ozzy Osbourne is famous for throwing buckets of water around the stage every night during his concerts. Part of the show? Sure, yeah. How did it get started? Simple: he couldn't hold it in and pissed his pants on stage, and covered it up with the bucket of water. Allegedly.

Then there's Fergie, from the Black Eyes Peas. We all heard about this a few years back, right? Some of us just kinda shrugged and felt bad for her. She works hard on stage, give her a break [A bathroom break? HAR HAR!].

Incontinence jokes aside, there isn't always time to relax with a fresh copy of Readers Digest for a long spell on the commode. Especially on the road.

And here's a good one many of you may not know. Rule #1 [see how I slid another pee joke in there?] for tour buses: Don't sh*t on the bus. Ever. It's not good, and everyone else on the bus WILL kill you for committing an act so foul, so undesirable...well, I think you get the.picture And, no, I've never done it.